Nightly Writings
by Quintessential Dreams
Summary: Unable to sleep for three days, Pansy writes a letter to her current love interest without the intention of sending it. second place winner to the Midnight Competition.


_**Nightly Writings**_

**I do not own Harry Potter or anything that has to do with the Franchise; that all belongs to JK Rowling, Warner Bros., Scholastic Books, etc.**

**This is my Response to smile. laugh. read's competition Midnight. Prompts used: "A good dinner helps deliberation.", insomnia, and heartbreak.**

Pansy sat up in her bed. This was no good; there were classes the next day and here she was, incapable to get some sleep. She tried all the remedies Mother had used when Pansy was unable to sleep as a child. The potions; naming every Dark Curse her father had taught her; reciting every torture device her family owned… she even tried a muggle method of counting sheep. But nothing was working!

Deciding this was ridiculous, Pansy grabbed her wand and got out of bed; actually being mindful _not_ to disrupt Daphne, Millie, Tracey, or Sally-Anne from their own peaceful slumber. Closing the door without a sound, she walked down to the common room which was devoid of every Slytherin student. Of course, _they_ were all sleeping; they all could sleep because their stupid mind didn't have a certain _boy or girl_ on their minds.

Pansy sighed and slumped down into an empty leather chair. She could always just try that other muggle trick she had learned in Muggle Studies. It was something to do with a glass of milk - _I think it needed to be warm or something_ she thought. But going to the kitchens ran the high risk of getting caught by that damnable cat Norris.

So, Pansy sat in the chair for a few minutes, trying to think out her plan of action. Throwing up a _Tempus_, she came to find that it was nearly midnight. _Great! Just wonderful! If I get to sleep at all, I might just get five hours of sleep!_ Pansy rubbed her temples to try and keep off the headache that was sure to come with lack of sleep. This problem had been going on for a few days now. It was stupid, really. Just a silly, little crush, right? No! She didn't _get_ crushes. She lusted over boys. She got them in her bed and then pushed them out as if they were a used handkerchief. She never got the feeling of wanting to relish the afterglow of being in a man's arms – so why was this one so different?

Why did this boy claim a portion of something that her father claimed was used for nothing more than keeping one alive? This boy… this one urchin she had been making fun of since their first day to this castle had now taken hold of something her mother claimed was used for love. Love… what did she know? Her parents were married out of convenience for her grandparents. Money; that was all that mattered. Slowly the headache was coming on with a vengeance. But what was she to do? Then, an idea popped into her head. A letter; she could send this boy a letter. Well, maybe not actually send it, but get all this nonsense swimming around in her head _out_.

And so, Pansy went back up to her dormitory and went to her trunk to get out an inkwell, a quill, and a couple pieces of parchment. Once everything was laid out, she started.

_My Dearest…_ Merlin that just sounded stupid.

_To Whom It May Concern…_ Of course, she had to go the route that sounded most formal… she wasn't sending a letter to Father, but to someone she may care about – _NO, you are _not_ sending this to ANYONE._

_Dumb Arse Who (may have) Stolen My Heart; _yeah, that one sounded about right.

_Because of you, these last few nights I have been unable to get some much needed rest. You may have noticed during many of the classes our House is forced to have with yours, I am not concentrating as much as I once was. _Ha, concentrating, that was a good one. Pansy didn't concentrate.

_No laughing! I do too concentrate, just not as much as that Mudblood Granger does! Merlin… does she make the lot of you study whenever classes are not in session? I've noticed the way you look after a "good" round of studying – and before you ask, I do in fact go to the library. _That_ is how I know she always has you studying. _To Pansy, that had sounded a bit stalker-ish, but what the heck, this was a letter that she was never going to send.

_Now then, where were we? Oh yes, my newly formed insomnia. I'm blaming this on You. You are the one who is always invading my brain and never leaving. It is you who always wiggles his way onto my parchment while I try and take notes; and it is YOU who just won't leave my dreams alone when I finally do find solace in my sleeping. It is becoming unbearable and I do wish that you would stop._ Again, that didn't sound all that perfect to Pansy when she wrote it down rather than in her head, but again, she was _not_ sending this letter to the person.

_Do you remember that day in Transfiguration a few weeks back? When we just seemed to go off topic on all subjects of the matter? The class had started talking about the future (as this IS our Eighth and final year here)… well, I actually thought about my future. Now that the Dark Lord is gone – thanks to Potter – I thought about what I wanted for my life now. Mother and Father finally stopped talking about me marrying Draco. Said it was this whole thing for the Dark Lord. Draco and I are best friends… but we tried that song and dance. Didn't work for either of us._

_This may be too much information that you'll ever need to hear (or read, rather, but you're never going to actually read this anyways) but Draco and I lost our virginity to each other. We decided that we would give it a try and it just felt too much like kissing my brother. Do you know what that's like? I mean, do you have any siblings? I know Weasley does, maybe you could ask him. On second thought… don't do that. I'd like you to keep your lunch – and my own – from revisiting the world through our mouths._ Pansy could already feel last night's dinner rumbling around in her stomach. Why did she have to say brother? Or better yet, why the bloody hell did she bring Weasley into this? That was a stupid move.

_Why don't we move to a different topic? Or rather, back to the safe one I was talking about. Our futures. From before I knew how to walk, my future consisted of being wife to Draco Malfoy. I love the kid, but we're not cut out for each other. We'd kill one another before the wedding even came around. However, since Mother and Father told me I didn't have to get married to Draco – his parents have struck up a liaison with Greengrass' parents; apparently they now want him marrying Astoria. That's Daphne's little sister. She's kind of cute and I think she'd be good for him – however, I am free for the moment._

_I've spoken to Mother about this apparent crush and she thinks it's endearing. Father believes it to be nothing. Me? I don't entirely know what to think. It's certainly an attraction as I've thought a great deal about this. Draco knows about you. He thinks I'm acting stupid; that now with Voldemort gone, I can be who I want to be. But who am I? The daughter of an ex-Death Eater, that's for sure. By the way, thank Potter for getting Mother and Father out of Azkaban duty. And while I know he'll never come around to saying it, Draco is thankful too._

_I don't normally talk about the war much, but I need to get these thoughts out. They're not really pertaining to you – well, they might be, as right after the war, I started feeling something for you. The war was nasty and we lost a lot of good (and bad) people. I doubt Potter and Weasley ever told you, but they were witness to Vincent Crabbe's death. It was one death that truly changed Draco. Most people just thought of Vince and Greg as Draco's guards, but they were much more._

_First off, they were my friends too, as well as Draco's. Greg, I think, took it the hardest, but it wasn't until the war was over did we really find out why he did. Greg loved Vince; like truly, deeply, love-that-my-mother-believes-exists love. For a while, Greg blamed Draco for Vincent's death. It really was heart-breaking, watching one of my friends go through that. It really made me wonder what was going to happen to all of us._

_The only reason Draco isn't dead is because Potter saved him, and for that, I myself, am grateful. Don't tell Potter that, but I still have my best friend thanks to him. _At this thought, Pansy actually smiled. She had been doing that more often than not lately and it had been scaring the first- and second years more than her smirks and evil gleams; but now with the threat of Voldemort taking over their lives, she could live more carefree and happily. She was showing it now with this stupid love letter she was writing to the one person who hadn't left her mind in a good three months.

For the moment, Pansy stopped writing. There was so much she wanted to tell this person, to let him know her inner thoughts, but she had never really considered them herself; this person who had taken her heart – or so her mother says – hadn't given her a moment's peace. The first thing she thought of when her mind went to him wasn't that she wanted to sleep with him, but cuddle – something she had never done in her entire life. Sure, she had lain with Draco in their post-coital states, but that didn't mean that they had cuddled and talked with each other about the future. She really was beginning to torture herself.

"Pans?" Her head shot up as quickly as her muscles let her to see Draco standing mere metres from her. "What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing, _Dray_." The instant she called him the childhood name, she wanted to take it back due to the cringe he gave. "Did Astoria call you that?" She asked as an afterthought.

"No, Mother did."

"I'm sorry." She watched as he shrugged and moved to sit down next to her on the arm of the chair. Immediately, she flipped the parchment over to keep it from wandering eyes. "So why are you up?"

"Can't sleep…" He looked at the parchment for a moment before he settled into the arm of the chair. "You?"

"About the same. For the past few nights I've been experiencing insomnia." Pansy admitted.

"Do you know why?"

"No." She lied flawlessly.

"Tell me the truth, Pans." Draco's eyes bore into her own. Damn him for knowing her so well. "Does it have to do with… y'know; him?" Curse her head for betraying her! She nodded and looked at Draco. He placed an arm around her shoulders; one of the only signs of comfort he was willing to show to anyone. "Is that what the parchment is for?"

"Yeah. I needed to get these damned thoughts out of my head before they drove me crazy."

"You going to send it?"

"Merlin, no, Draco! Half of Slytherin hates us as it is. I don't need the whole school making a mockery out of something my mother claims I can't help." For a split moment, Draco's face took on a pensive look before he nodded. Getting off the couch, he looked around before placing a kiss to her forehead. It was the only perk she got from being his best friend. She got to see this side of Draco; the side where he doesn't put up a front for everybody and shows the true emotions that he was feeling at the time and shows the care he can feel for another person.

"Don't stay up too late, Pans. We do have classes tomorrow."

"I'm aware, Draco. Do you really think that if he wasn't invading my head I would be up as late as I have been?" He just shook his head. "Good night Draco."

"Night Pansy." With that, Draco left for the warmth of his bed once more and left Pansy with the empty room she had come to. Picking the parchment back up, she looked it over, rereading it for any mistakes. This whole thing was a mistake. She shouldn't be feeling these feelings for someone who would never return them.

_Sorry for the delay, Draco came down… not that you knew there was a bloody delay. Draco found me writing (and up at bloody… one-thirty in the morning). He knew it was to you. He knows me better than my own parents. Ha, our fucking _house elves_ know me better than my parents! Especially, Ditney. Do not laugh at her name… I was five-years-old and well; I don't bloody know what I was thinking at five-years-old. She was the one given to me after Eton was finished taking care of me in my infant and toddler years._

_So anyways, Draco found me and obviously asked if you were the one I was writing to, and of course I said yes. He knows when I'm lying – it's quite unnerving sometimes really – but then he had the nerve to ask if I was going to send this piece of rubbish. Ha! Not at all. I mean, why would I? Like I told Draco, I don't need the whole school making a mockery out of these dumb feelings even I don't understand._

_Well, I do feel I have wasted a whole lot of your time – as well as mine – but hopefully I'll be able to sleep now. I'm not all that good with good byes, so I hope your future goes the way you want it to._

_With Love? Lust? Er, with feeling,_

_Pansy Parkinson_

With that set and done, Pansy folded the two pieces of parchment and laid them into the unlit hearth. She figured when someone lit it, they wouldn't see the letter hiding in the way back. She then made her way up to her dormitory. Just outside, she cast another _Tempus_ to find it close to two in the morning. With a groan and a yawn, Pansy opened the door to where her bed lie and went to sleep.

xxx

The next morning, Pansy found herself being awoken much too early than she would want. Daphne had poked her; Millie had pushed her; Tracey hollered at her to get her arse out of bed; and Sally-Anne? Well, Sally-Anne actually had the nerve to push her _out of bed_. With a few well-placed obscenities, Pansy sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The girls then left her to her own devices. It was much too early to get up this morning and with her lack of sleep the night before, she didn't really want to do much except for go back to bed. Sadly, she just couldn't do that. Draco would most likely get the girls to kick her further away from her bed and sneer at her to get ready. So, in order to avoid that chaos, Pansy stood up and grabbed the outfit she was wearing that day.

Her usual skirt, jumper, and tie were all placed neatly where they were supposed to be. Her hair was pulled back away from her face into a sort of twisted plait that dropped down to her shoulder blades. She got the rest of the way ready before exiting the bathroom to grab her knapsack. She found Draco waiting for her, an unusual gleam to his usual smirk that left her with a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Pansy didn't have much time to dwell on the anomalous feeling before Draco grabbed her elbow and began dragging her out of the portrait and towards breakfast.

The Great Hall was bursting with enthusiasm – something Pansy had no energy to deal with that morning. Her eyes scanned over to the House table where the blasted boy she fancied sat every day with his friends before she moved them back to the floor. She was determined to stop these stupid feelings for him and get on with her life. She had written the letter and was glad to see the fire roaring to life this morning; meaning that people would be none-the-wiser to the silly feelings.

Sitting down in between Draco and Blaise, Pansy filled her plate with breakfast foods for the day. Maybe a well-balanced breakfast would shake some of the bleariness she was feeling. She wasn't even half way into her toast and jam before she noticed the mail coming in. Draco had gotten his usual copy of the Daily Prophet and Blaise seemed to get yet another postcard from his mother –_who had she married this time around?_ Pansy thought idly. She paid no heed to the other owls as none of them seemed to belong to her parents or any relatives.

She also didn't see the evil gleam in Draco's eyes once again as he looked over to the same spot she had earlier when they arrived. Nothing seemed all that out of the ordinary as she finished the rest of her tea and the pile of eggs she had placed on the plate. What did seem out of the ordinary was when the Great Hall's chatter had mysteriously _stopped_. Pansy looked up to find nothing going on and_ everyone_ looking at her; or rather_behind_ her. Closing her eyes, she prayed Draco hadn't done something stupid. She looked to his side and his face remained still; not showing her a thing. She then turned around and her heart sunk. There he was. She knew Draco had something to do with this; he was the only one who knew about this.

"What the bloody _hell_ did you do?" Pansy whispered her voice clearly devoid of humor.

"I felt Finnigan here needed to know of your attraction to him." Draco commented with a nonplussed reaction.

"Dammit, Draco! What did I tell you... the _whole_..."

"Yes Pansy; I heard, the whole school... mockery to your feelings. Damn Pans, you act as if this damned school hasn't had a few shocks in the past few months."

At that point, Pansy almost audibly growled. Of course there were the few shocks of Potter finding himself fancying one of their own and Loony Lovegood hooking up with Longbottom. Even the shock of finding out that the Wizarding World's Golden Boy was gay was enough to turn the world upside-down.

Pansy drew her eyes to the letter still residing in Finnigan's hands. It wasn't crumpled as if he hated the fact that she had wrote him; her eyes traveled to his face to find it passive and nonjudgmental. That almost gave her hope for... _something_. "Uh, hi." The shy voice that came out of his mouth was nothing she had heard before; he had always sounded in charge whenever she had been forced to be in his presence. "I got your letter this morning and I wasn't really sure what to make of it."

"I do believe it is in clear black ink there, Finnigan. Pansy for some reason has given you her undying love." Pansy closed her eyes again and felt her ears burning red; however out of embarrassment or anger, that one she wasn't sure of. The entire hall was still completely silent – including the head table. _Slytherins don't show embarrassment... Slytherins don't show embarrassment..._ Pansy chanted in her head.

There was a pregnant pause before Finnigan opened his mouth once again. "I see... but why write it if she wasn't going to send it?" Wonderful, now the insolent boys were talking about her as if she weren't even there to speak for herself. She was about to open her mouth when Draco – the complete bastard that he was – answered for her.

"I suppose _'A good dinner helps deliberation'_ Finnigan." Pansy opened her eyes to see a smug-looking Draco and a rather confused-looking Finnigan. He turned away from Draco and looked at Pansy, the nervousness from before settling back in.

"Right. Well, would you come to the Three Broomsticks with me this Hogsmeade weekend?" Had she heard right? Her eyes widened as she looked at him. "Um, I'm not all that great at this, so uh, if you; bollocks. If you didn't actually mean anything in the letter– it's just you... said well, you wrote that you weren't actually sending the letter. I mean, I only came over here 'cause Harry, Hermione, and Parvarti said I should– well, you see." Merlin, he was rambling.

Standing, Pansy looked at Finnigan and nodded. "I would enjoy your company at the Three Broomsticks, Finnigan. I will meet you there between noon and quarter after." Picking up her bag and leaving the rest of her food forgotten, Pansy began making her way out of the Great Hall.

"Hey wait!" Finnigan's voice called to her. Pansy turned just to see him stop in front of her. "If you're going on this date with me, you're going to call me by my first name, _Pansy_."

She couldn't help rolling her eyes. "Fine then, _Seamus_." She told him, using about the same amount of stress on his name as he had hers. "I will see you this weekend." And with that, Pansy turned back around, feeling excited, nervous, and worried over the upcoming weekend. What would her parents say when they found out? Would the _date_ she had accidentally made go okay? And finally, was this what she truly wanted? Only time would tell.

**Author's Note: I tried to stay as much in character as I possibly could, but war changes people so hopefully there is some leeway. If not, oh well, I tried.**

**Tell me what you think? Reviews are my best friends.**


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